I'm an idiot.

I've come to the realization that I'm an idiot. While I realize this may not be a surprise to some of you, I've been so good at self delusion for a such a long time that it came as something of a shock to me. Here's how my epiphany came about:
It all started about 5 minutes ago, when Erin and Katie said "Bye Ben, wish you were coming with us!" and got into a truck and started driving to Alabama. My thoughts went something like this: I could be going with them, but two days ago it seemed like the whole thing was going to flop. So when a request for a Burn Boss to go to Las Vegas came in I started to think about pulling myself off the Alabama list and going to Las Vegas. Then yesterday morning my boss came in and said the guy from Alabama wasn't returning his calls, and he wasnt' sure it was going to happen. So I said to pull me from Alabama and I'll take the Vegas assignment. So he did. Then the guy from Alabama called and said everything was a go, people should leave on Friday. No biggie I thought, I'm just waiting for my resource order and I'll be heading out. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Then we called dispatch and said what the heck, and dispatch said "Sorry, we filled the request with somebody else." Crap. Any chance I can get back on the Alabama thing? No, Ben, you said you'd rather go to Vegas so everybody's driving and you won't get back in time for Faith to go to Mexico if you drive. Crap. I'm an idiot. That's what I get for trying to trade up. My boss called me this morning and said I can go in March, but I've got training every other week in March, so that's not happening. Oh well. Nothing else is going on, Dylan's doctor discovered a heart murmur at his check up the other day, so he's going to a pediatric cardiologist in Spokane next Thursday. I like the small town thing, but having to drive for 3 hours to get decent medical care is kind of lame. Hope everybody's doing well.